Sole Destruction 
chapter XI. Raven
Page 1 of 15
Faith…
This is your faith. This is where it leads you. This is what I am.
Alone…
I hold the little silver cross up to my face, as the storm outside lashes at the window, scattering its ice around the room. I just listen. I don’t feel. I can’t feel.
I feel too much.
I can’t turn around, can’t look at what I’ve done, can’t face…this thing you call faith.
I had to do this, I resolve, as my heart begins to break and tears that do not cleanse wash over the cross. I couldn’t allow you to see. Couldn’t allow you to care…
Why am I still here? Because I have nowhere else? Or because I am afraid? This place, this time—I’ve been here before. As a child. A child whose father put him to bed, not with peaceful stories or teddy-bears, but alcohol-stained breath and fists of apathy.
This is what I’ve become. Just like him. That’s what she said. It’s what she told…everybody. It doesn’t matter if they believe it or not. The problem is…I believe it.
I may not do it to my son, but I do it to you…Pegasus.
I shake my head, trying to push it all aside. Please, not tonight. Just leave me alone. Isn’t this enough already? When does it stop? Somebody, please make it stop!
I put my head in my hands, feeling the cold silver against my eyelids, shivering from an inner chill I am powerless to protect myself from.
All I can do is hurt you, but that’s not what I want for you. I don’t expect you to believe that. I don’t expect you to believe…me. I did this to you because I couldn’t allow you to see. I did this to you so that I couldn’t hurt you anymore.
What if he doesn’t wake up? What if you hurt him, more than you intended to?
No, that’s not how it happened—I knew what I was doing, exactly what I was doing when I…hit him.
